Monday, February 10, 2014 , 3:51 AM

⇨Strings

     It's only fitting that one of the first songs i've quoted here will be one of my last.

     And just like that, one of the greatest chapters of my life is over. I can't say it wasn't worth it. I can't say she wasn't worth it.

     I'm glad we got to spend all that time together. I'm glad that the purely naive portions of our lives were intertwined. That one summer we spent entirely together. Nothing to do; no responsibilities, no school. Just two kids straight out of high school. Doing whatever the fuck we wanted to do and not giving a single shit. I remember how hard it was when college started. I remember the fucking struggle it would be sometimes to see you every other week or whenever we were arguing. I remember how hard it used to be to say goodbye. I really miss that right now. I really miss everything. And it just feels like I can't stop thinking about our past relationship. All the inside jokes. All the times you slept over. All the kissing and cuddling and hugging and it's slowly tearing me apart. It used to be nothing but fucking smiles. It used to be fucking laughter and joy and fucking smiles. And Disneyland. It just used to be so fucking easy man. The past was so fucking easy. I'm like breaking down writing this fucking stupid fucking piece of shit blog no one's going to even fucking see this. Is this what a real heartbreak feels like. I don't wish this kind of emotional pain on my worst enemies. God, what the fuck ever happened to us.



     What in the fucking world fucking happened to us. what tHE FUCK. I used to think we were fucking invincible.

     I'm so fucking used to just being apart for a day and getting back together. It's never been like this before. Never. It's easy for you to just forget but it's so fucking hard for me. I saw a fucking future for us. I know that sounds fucking naive to you or to anyone; like, how could I even dare to imagine dating you into the fucking future even though things have been endlessly spiraling straight to hell. I always fucking thought we'd get over anything that was handed to us. Life, school, work, friends. I thought we'd get through our problems together like we always did. I was fucking stupid and I'm sorry. Why do these things have to be so hard man. Why can't I just instantly forget about you, about our past, and move the fuck on. There was so much shit I still wanted to say but couldn't even put into words. I've just been a fucking mess.

     I can't say you weren't worth it. Hell, I can't even say that I didn't love you every fucking day. And it will always be like that.

Thank you for everything.